Time at my desktop shows 12:00 PM or it’s 00:00 AM (already/still). I don’t know “where I am now”. Everything seems different. I don’t know what was really happen. Everyone seems doesn’t accept my reasons. I know that it’s difficult for me to tell the real reasons which make them reasonable. It’s my fault may be, but deep in my heart, I don’t want disappoint anyone. I’ve never had that in my heart either in my mind. I’m so sorry for everyone which is disappointed by my decision.

Based on this decision, I know I’ve been marked as “plin-plan” person who doesn’t have a strong commitment and/or principal. Through this web-blog (eventhough this post won’t be published to public), I declare that with my Jesus, I will prove that this way is better for me.

Suddenly I remember the first time I accept this scholarship. I do really didn’t know what way I should chose. To be honest, I accepted the scholarship not coz I like to be a lecturer or whatever so, but I afraid to looked for job. I didn’t know why. I was a coward I think. Therefore, I toke the simple way, that was scholarship which was offered by D**. I was ready to face all the consequences, but deep in my heart, I pretended to ready. Yes I’m sure that was happen.

Now, I think it’s my turn to decide the real choice. I have spent my time about almost 1 year. However, life is not for 3 or 4 years. There is no “LATE” word. Everything will be ok. Everyone may look at me and talking about my foolish, but I have to be ready to face that all. Those are consequences.

I apologized to my father for disappointing him. I apologized to Mr Sas also. I’m not throw your trust, but I want to back to my real choice. I promise you that you will proud for having me.

For my Friend and also my holy Lord, I want to ask you to be with me always. We will strive together. I’ve had many experiences with You, so I believe that You will give me Your way God. Luv U always.

Luv u always.

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